Friday, August 10, 2012


the ramadan spirit hit me at the weirdest time this year, subhanallah.  i just collapsed onto the couch from spending the whole day out and instagrammed the box of cupcakes  i bought for iftar (actually, the next few iftars, sadly there's no way i can eat four cupcakes at once) and i felt this sudden urge to put on some sami yusuf.  so i did, and like two songs into it, i *felt* it.  and then i started crying. and crying and crying and crying. and crying.  but at the same time i was laughing.  so i had this ugly laugh/cry thing going on (which only comes out during ramadan because both of the feelings are so genuinely earnest) and i started to pray.  finally it feels like it's *my* ramadan.

it's only the 22nd day of ramadan.

it took me long enough (ugh!).  to be honest this was another one of those times of transition - as long as i'm a student the summer is always going to be full of changes, i guess - i couldn't fast the first week, the second week i was busy pa(ni)cking about moving to DC for a month, and during the third week i was getting used to being in DC (i'd walk to and from clinic - 1.2 miles each way, so as soon as i reached home i'd crawl onto the prayer rug to pray asr and then collapse into a pile of snores until iftar).  maybe i became spiritual because i started taking the bus? 

yes, i'm less tired today, but to be honest i never really got into *the* ramadan spirit initially because of the stupid (fine, not stupid) dark knight rises midnight showing, which i went to instead of doing my traditional "omg ramadan is here!" night.

it's not like this ramadan was particularly bad.  i prayed earnestly for the most part and there were some amazing moments.  i focused especially on staying pleasant while fasting (so much so that i got told that i should fast year round - rude! but also awesome).  but my prayers were kind of hardened and sensible and practical, not silly and joyous and soaring like they normally are during ramadan! and today, it happened! the ugly laugh/cry happened, alhamdulillah.

that's why i came running to add 2012 to the ramadan diaries.  that's when i *want* to write in the diaries, when i'm this ...ebullient.

ramadan kareem, me (FINALLY).